“Ask a man what his greatest fear is about serving jail time, and he will almost inevitably say he fears being raped. What can we deduce from the fact that jail is to men what life is to so many women?” -Soraya Chemaly
If I had my way, a lot of, in fact, seventy per cent of all entertainers would be cancelled. This week, I read the controversial statement of Speed Darlington during a livestream. During the livestream, he admitted to “going down” with a fifteen-year-old teen. I must say I was gladdened when netizens called him out online for admitting to committing rape. However, in Speed Darlington’s response to the backlash, he retracted the statement by saying he was only trying to get attention, and as an entertainer, one must continually be in the spotlight, either negatively or positively, to be booked. In other words, Darlington is saying he must joke around serious issues like rape to court attention. I wondered why his social media account is still on. He should have been reported a thousand times so such h message isn’t be passed on again. Then I remembered that it is a common feature in the entertainment industry to be controversial.
Oxlade’s sex tape pushed him to the limelight once again. Chinko Ekun’s and Oladips fake death promoted them. But where do we draw the line?
I remember growing up as a teenager and having access to comic skits of skit makers on my friend’s phone. Then, one particular skit had a lady being wooed and love-bombed by an admirer. He would spend money on her, give her gifts and be her “mumu” until one day, the lady came to visit. Then he made an aside statement in Yoruba, “Aja to ba wo le tekun o ma fi eje we”, loosely translated to mean ” the dog that goes in with the cheetah would be bathed in blood”. Seconds later, there was a background scream from room, the lady saying” ” Please stop”, but he kept reminding her of how much he had spent on her as a means of justifying his unpermitted access to her, and the background “banging” sound that accompanies sex took over. Looking back, I realized what was done to me and my friend with that skit. I was made to understand that for everything a guy gives me, my body is the reward. And to my friend, a male, once he spends on a girl, he is entitled to her body. You’d be biased to say the messages both my friend and I got aren’t a current reality.
A lady in my neighborhood was raped in my father’s building years back. My family resides in the first building while the building at the back was uncompleted. Beside both buildings, was a narrow path people tread to get to the next street. So it was not uncommon to hear footsteps and voices even late at night. The rape happened at night while we slept and heard nothing. It was the chairman and some community elders who came to our house to narrate the unfortunate incident to us. Although I was a teenager, I was sad for her. But people went on to victim-blame the lady. They blamed her for collecting money from him when she knew she wasn’t ready to have sex. And I wondered when loving someone became synonymous with sex work, where you give body in exchange for body. The lady shamefully left the area and I think the guy was arrested but later released. Afterwards, parents and clerics during sermons warned their girls not to receive gifts from men, but not one told their sons to leave a woman once she said No.
Olamide Badoo’s story for the Gods lyrics is one that explicitly describes a rape scene where the victim pleads
“she says it’s getting late o she say she wants to faint o. Story for the gods o”
It is common for victims of rape to be mostly cornered by their assailants. Either by the deliberate tactics of keeping them delayed longer than they should or drugging them(she wants to faint might connote lightheadedness from exhaustion or the influence of drugs). Then is a response, “story for the gods” connotes in its entirety one who doesn’t give a damn about her concerns and her pleading.
While an artist is at liberty to communicate his view or share his emotions, the message should be clear. In this song of Olamide, it’s not clear if he was the assailant or narrating from the perspective of the victim, but we see how music can, if not channelled towards a particular theme, trigger negativities.
Popular singer Niniola narrates a case of unconsenting sex in her song titled “Boda Sodiq”
“Boda Sodiq
Will you promise me not to touch it?
O de jor
Boda Sodiq
I just had a sip of liquor”
Here, we see a vulnerable lady who’s drunk and telling a man to promise her not to touch her after having a night time at the club. It could be deduced that they both went out as indicated by the video, but Boda Sodiq had other plans.
“Gbemi lo ile
Did you have to
Gbemi lo
Oh
Boys quarters
What happened in your boys’ quarters?
Boys quarters”
In Yoruba, gbemi lo Ile can be loosely translated to mean “take me home” The ambiguous nature in the structure of this verse makes it difficult to ascertain if she requested to be taken to her home (gbemi lo Ile) or if she was repeating the line “gbemi lo Ile” for emphasis sake before asking the question she intends to. “what happened in your boys quarters?” “Did you have to take me home?”
The onus is that culture, especially popular culture, has contradicted the human inherent empathetic nature, making them not only join the bandwagon of what people do or what’s a norm but also create a pattern of insensitive people.
Cruises about serious issues like rapes, and assault have often crossed the line making people who perpetrate the violent act emboldened. For instance, viral memes once read.
“You say Dem rape you but na doggy style”
“Dem dey rapes you, you dey moan. Anita how?
A “cruise”, a lyric, a slang that downplays the severity of rape, is a typical feature of rape apology, and the earlier we call ourselves to order, the better.
Nusrat Lasisi is a writer and women rights advocate. She’s a graduate of English and currently a masters student at the University of Ibadan. She can be contacted via Gmail. nusratlasisi2000@gmail.com